Open Communication is Not the Key to Healthy Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about the law of chastity lately, what it means to me and why I strive to live a virtuous and sexually pure life.

I’m 24 years old.

I’ve never had sex.

I choose to only kiss people I know and truly care about to help me in my endeavor to stay chaste.

But why not make out with whoever I go out with?

Why not have sex with whoever I want?

I matched with this guy on Bumble a couple weeks ago when I was in Utah for a couple days.

He was super cute and seemed way cool.

He was at a family reunion and I was going back home before it would end so we didn’t have an opportunity to meet.

But we hit it off and texted every day until 2 AM for a few days straight.

I started to get nervous with how much flirting and talking we were doing since we hadn’t met and didn’t actually know each other.

I’ve only had really bad experiences when it comes to guys I’ve met from dating apps.

I also didn’t want to feel pressure to keep a conversation going for an entire month with a stranger until I was back in Utah.

I decided to let him know how I felt.

I wasn’t sure how he was going to react but he responded with:

“That definitely makes sense. How do we move forward with this then? What’s best for you?”

I was stunned.

That was so considerate of him to say. I felt a million times better about the situation.

In the midst of this relief, I asked myself, "Why is this so relieving to you?"

In that moment, it hit me.

I felt relieved because I felt respected.

I scanned over all the dating experiences I had and realized I didn’t feel respected during the majority of those experiences.

I always attributed those failed dating experiences to very specific things the guy said or did.

But I see now at the core of each of these experiences is an underlying thread: they didn’t respect or value me.

I’m not sharing this to shame these guys. They are good guys who were dealing with their own issues at the time.

But this realization led me to understand why the law of chastity is so important.

The only way we can build a healthy relationship with anyone is if both people respect each other.

I’m very passionate about people and relationships.

I studied how to build good relationships in college.

My entire four years at BYU I readily believed and spoke about how open communication is the key to healthy relationships.

But when that boy texted me I realized I’d been wrong this whole time.

Open communication is not the key to healthy relationships.

Respect is the key.

How could we expect ourselves to openly communicate with someone about our emotions, issues and needs if they don’t respect us in the first place?

How could you trust someone with the deepest parts of yourself if they act like you don’t have value?

Transparency in a relationship cannot exist without respect.

If you can’t be transparent and authentic in a relationship, what’s the point?

It’s no longer a relationship, just a very toxic situation.

On the flip side, if both parties have respect for one another, the relationship becomes a safe space for each person to open up and share their true selves.

Where there is transparency and authenticity, individuals begin to understand how to best support each other.

Trust forms. The relationship grows and the people are strengthened.

The reason why God asks us to keep the Law of Chastity is because it provides the path for us to respect ourselves and others.

It lays the groundwork for healthy relationships.

Heavenly Father wants us to have healthy relationships more than anything because that is where we find the most joy.

The very reason He sent us to earth is so we could grow and have joy.

When we live the law of chastity we have the opportunity to experience the most healthy and fulfilling relationships possible.

There are few things I love more than strong, loving relationships.

I want to love people, truly love people like Christ did.

I want to see everyone as sons and daughters of God with divine worth and potential.

I don't want to use anyone as an object for gratification.

This is why I don’t go around making out with people.

This is why I’m not going to have sex with whoever I want.

This is why I keep the law of chastity.