Hearts Will Not Change Where Love Is Not Present

During my sophomore year at BYU, I took a class called English 251.

I honestly loved the course and the professor but I have never had a class challenge my testimony as much as that one did.

It was my first experience reading literature and studying philosophies that contradicted my Christian belief system.

Halfway through the semester, my professor assigned us to read a 15 page article written to convince the reader why lesbianism was a great thing and why it would be an even better, more effective means of societal structure than the traditional set up of man-woman partnerships and families.

She backed her argument giving points to prove why dismantling the traditional family would create a better world.

I could hardly read through the whole paper.

I was shocked.

I was angry.

I was offended.

I felt my testimony was being attacked.

I instantly went on the defensive.

When we discussed the paper in class, I struggled to voice my opinions on it because I was so upset we were even considering the material in the first place.

I can’t remember if it was during the class discussion or after, but as I was struggling to reconcile my beliefs and her points, the Spirit spoke to me.

I felt impressed that the person who wrote the article wasn’t trying to attack me or my testimony.

The person who wrote the article was sharing her opinion and beliefs that were formed based on personal experiences she had.

I realized she wrote the article because she sincerely believed lesbianism was a better structure for families and society.

I realized she wouldn’t be so passionate enough to lay out a 15 page argument about something if she hadn’t experienced some benefits of what she was trying to prove.

I instantly felt relieved of the anger. I felt peace. I felt understanding.

I even felt compassion.

This experience taught me an important lesson that has shaped who I am and how I see people today.

What people say and believe is valid because it is based on their experiences.

If those beliefs are different from ours or not in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ, that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid or important to that person.

Because of this, if we seek to learn where people are coming from, that will help us understand them and their beliefs.

When we take the time to understand someone and why they live how they live, that will help us know how to best love them and shine our light to help them come closer to Jesus Christ.

I share this with you because of the political turmoil and commotion the world has been experiencing lately.

There are a lot of issues going on and a lot of people have opinions on the issues and how to solve them.

We are encountering more and more division and disunity because we can’t seem to reconcile when someone believes differently than us.

I hope you join me in trying to remember that people who believe a certain way, support a certain person or act in a certain way do so because of the experiences they’ve had and the knowledge they’ve accumulated.

I hope we realize all people do good things and do bad things.

From personal experience, I believe what I believe because of experiences I’ve had. It’s often the same for everyone else.

As I’ve internalized this outlook, it has helped me love more and judge less.

It has helped me see the people around me as human beings, as my brothers and sisters.

It has helped me seek to listen and understand those who believe differently than me.

We will never achieve unity or any type of peace without taking the time to listen to each other.

We need to be merciful.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been judgemental. I’ve acted out of anger. I’ve messed up. Every human in the world has.

We all aren’t perfect.

We all need Jesus Christ.

We are supposed to help each other feel His love and follow Him.

Contention is not the answer and will not get us where we need to be.

It may be crazy to say, but people who support Trump and people who support Biden do so because of valid experiences they’ve had.

Most often, people share their opinions because those beliefs and experiences are important to them and have had some positive effect on their life, not because they have malicious intent.

And if they do have malicious intent (which it’s only God’s job to judge that), it’s often due to anger born of an unhealed, painful experience.

During a conference a couple years ago, Elder Mark S. Palmer expounded on this sentiment:

“No true teaching or learning will ever occur when done in frustration or anger, and hearts will not change where love is not present… True teaching will happen only in an atmosphere of trust rather than condemnation.”

This quote has stayed with me ever since he said it.

If I ever try to argue or prove something while angry, what happens?

The person usually gets upset or feels the need to pull away.

Hurt is felt on both sides.

Whenever someone speaks to me with love about something I can do to change etc, I am more likely to listen because I know that person is coming from a place of love.

If we want people to change, if we want society to change, if we want to save the world from division and contention, we need to learn to love and speak as Christ did.

Real change, real unity is not going to happen where pure, Christ-like love is not present.

People change because they feel love.

Not because they feel shamed or condemned.

I am committing this week to do better at petitioning my Heavenly Father for help to follow the Spirit and pray for His mercy and love to be in my heart so I can share that with everyone, including those who believe differently than I do.

I hope we can all do the same.