Dating: How to deal when it's not working out
The other day my friend Zach posted twenty reasons why he is grateful to be a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on Facebook. It inspired me to write this article.
What stood out the most to me about his post was the phrase why I am grateful.
So much of our single adult lives is in a state of instability because we are trying to “find the one.”
It's either you’re dating someone or you’re not. And if you’re not dating someone, why aren’t you?
Rarely is sincere appreciation and rejoicing felt or shown for being single.
Dating Pressure (we all feel it)
Everyone wants to be loved. It’s not bad to exert a lot of effort into dating. Especially for those who believe part of God’s plan is to get married and raise happy families.
However, I think we too often allow the pressure of dating to cloud our ability to live joyfully regardless of our relationship status.
Especially in Provo, it seems like everyone is dating, getting married or getting engaged. We live in a culture of comparison so when we see those things happening to others and not ourselves, we ask, what is wrong with me?
Although those thoughts are private, there is a high probability of someone each day asking if you're dating anyone. If you have to answer that question with "no" multiple times a week, the stress you already feel about being single increases exponentially.
Comfort in Dating
I write about this because I live it. And lately, I’ve let the stress of dating get to me more than usual.
As I read Zach’s post, the Spirit gently showed me I haven’t been grateful for being single.
And I need to be.
We all know the heartbreaking feelings that come from dating. But just like the heartbreaking feelings that come from any trial of life, God provides a way for us to have peace, gratitude and joy in the midst of them.
He doesn’t promise comfort for every other challenge besides dating. He doesn’t say “Okay, everyone in the world can have happiness except those who are single”. He wants us to love being single. He wants us to enjoy it! He doesn’t want us to be miserable.
He has provided a way for us to love where we are regardless of pressure, how long we are single, or how many break ups we go through. He wants us to be happy. And we can be if we ask Him for help.
Letting Your Situation Empower You
Here are two scriptural examples to verify these truths.
In the Book of Mormon, we see Nephi and his family face many hard situations. They had to leave their belongings to live in the wilderness and cross the ocean to move to a foreign land. One time Nephi’s bow broke so he couldn’t hunt for food. His siblings were angry with him.
In the institute manual we read how Nephi reacted to this:
Nephi refused to be discouraged. He went to work.
Nephi refused to be discouraged in the face of discouragement. If he can do that when his family is angry at him for something he had no control over, can’t we do the same in dating?
In the Doctrine & Covenants we read,
And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness, shall be made glorious and the things of the earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
We can choose to let our situation empower or bring us down. As we look for the good and recognize the blessings God is doing in our lives, we will be made glorious!
Praying To Love It
On my mission, I prayed each day to love being there. I did this because missions are hard. But I knew God wanted me to love it. I knew doing so would help me and others be happy. But I couldn’t do it without His help.
This is something I want to invite all of us to do.
Pray to love being single.
Pray to be grateful for it.
We can’t feel those things without God. He is capable of providing peace and joy in all circumstances.
Why I am Grateful
I am grateful I am single because I have met so many inspiring people through dating. I have learned so much about myself and what I am looking for in a spouse.
I am grateful I am single because I live with roommates who are honestly some of the strongest, most beautiful women I have ever met.
I am grateful I am single because I have more time to work on this blog, follow my dreams, fulfill my purpose of helping others come to Christ in unique ways, enjoy and get an education and pursue a career I love.
Most importantly though, I am grateful I am single because it causes me to put my relationship with Christ as first priority. I plead with Heavenly Father almost daily to help me strengthen my love and connection with the Savior because I don’t have anyone else to rely on. He is all I have.
Regardless of our circumstances, we should do our best to remember nothing matters without Him. Not even our relationship status.