When What You Love is Taken Away
Dealing with Loss
I’m sitting next to my friend on campus as he is expressing frustration over current challenges he is facing. It’s his last semester of college and he has a lot of life decisions to make. On top of that, he injured his foot and it is preventing him from doing one of his favorite things - work out.
As I reflect later on our conversation, my thoughts turn to my mom. For the last six years she has suffered excruciating pain because of nerve damage in her mouth caused by a root canal gone wrong. Despite seeing different doctors, undergoing various procedures and medications, nothing has taken the pain away. And just two weeks ago, a doctor diagnosed her with an additional chronic nerve disorder for a different part of her face.
Even though her situation is difficult, my mom is an example of strength. She works hard to live optimistically and with faith in the Savior. She continues to serve others and when asked about her health she responds cheerfully, “It could be worse” and begins to name all the blessings she does have.
I know she misses the days when she wasn’t in pain. Her favorite thing in the world is being a mom and now her health often stops her from doing all the mom things she likes to do. The freedom she had to wake up early to help the kids get ready for school or participate actively in school board functions is gone. Sometimes all she can do is lay in her bed and rest when she’d rather be out organizing an event for the community or baking for the neighbors.
As I ponder her circumstances, I think about mine. How I’m not in school really at all this semester. How it still hurts when I think of missing out on a life I love on campus. When I go to study at the library, I feel like I don’t belong since I can’t relate to the students around who are stressed with all the tests and assignments they have. My heart hurts and I feel like gasping for air when I realize I am out of place in a place I once felt so comfortable in. Which brings me to the question:
What are you supposed to do when what you love is taken away?
Finding Strength in the Savior
Google defines loss as “the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value.” We hurt when we can no longer have what is important to us. Every human who has ever lived experiences this. There is no way around it.
So, how do we grapple with this challenge? What do we do with the emptiness and gaps we are left with?
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf shares some insight:
In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.
Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.
The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.
I believe this quote teaches us two things about facing loss:
1. It’s okay to mourn because we are not designed for endings. When faced with these challenges, allow yourself time to feel how you feel.
2. We must learn, study & apply the gospel of Jesus Christ. He overcame death so that we could overcome our trials if we rely on Him. As we ask for His guidance and study the scriptures, we will see our loss as an opportunity to grow.
Conclusion
God sent us to earth to learn to become like Him. Jesus Christ shows us the way we must live to reach that potential. With His help, our trials can shape us into our best selves.
In the Book of Mormon we read:
There is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, therefore the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ... He is the light and life of the world, yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened… (Mosiah 16: 8-9)
Someone once told me, the sting of life is also swallowed up in Christ. The love of Jesus Christ outweighs the pain of loss. I know as I strive to develop a relationship with Him, I am filled with strength to love life and see challenges as stepping stones to becoming who I am meant to be. The same is true for my friend and mom. I invite each of us to do what we can to increase faith in Him through prayer, scripture study & service. As we do so, our darkest days will be filled with light.